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This October-November issue continues with an overview of another of Thomas Leonard’s Principles of Attraction.  Being critical is easy – being constructive is more difficult.  But it is so vitally important!  I hope you will find it helpful.    

Warmest Regards,

Charles (Charlie) Boyer
Infinite Perspectives, LLC
www.infiniteperspectives.com

PRINCIPLES of ATTRACTION.  The late Thomas J. Leonard, often described as the father of personal coaching, developed a set of principles and strategies that “… draw on wisdom from psychology, career counseling, management consulting, personal growth programs, motivational training, and good old common sense.”  The principles Leonard developed have helped build an awareness of what it takes to attract abundance into your life.  The more I study these 28 principles, the more it helps me to understand more about myself and my clients.  I’ve found them helpful and insightful, and plenty of food for thought.  I encourage you to study each of the 28 principles and decide for yourself whether they are helpful to you.  In this issue, we’ll take a look at just one of those principles:  Become Unconditionally Constructive.

The source material for the following is from:  The Portable Coach:  28 Surefire Strategies for Business and Personal Success, by Thomas J. Leonard.  New York:  Scribner, 1998.  ISBN 0-684-85041-9.

How to Become Unconditionally Constructive.   It’s more than just being optimistic and looking for the silver lining.  Being constructive requires you to DO something.  Are you the one who always says “NO”?  Do you find 50 reasons why “It CAN’T Be Done” rather than 2 ways to make things happen? 

Forty-plus years as a teacher have taught me many things about working with people and encouraging their best efforts.  I’ve learned what to do – and what NOT to do, but it hasn’t been easy.  All people – children, adolescents, adults, seniors – learn best when they are guided rather than driven, encouraged rather than coerced.  The real difficulty is in learning how to treat others to get the best from them.

The process of becoming unconditionally constructive requires a lot more work than you think.  I’m not there yet after many years of trying, but I’m getting closer!  Picture this scenario:  a child slumping over a colorbook, intent on producing a crayon masterpiece.  Noticing the child’s posture, the well-meaning parent says, “Don’t slouch.”  Direct and to the point – and wrong.

What’s wrong?  It’s a negative statement, containing two negative words, “Don’t” and “slouch.”  It reinforces the negative, and doesn’t do anything to encourage the positive.  What would be better?  How about, “Please sit up straight.”  Does that sound more positive, more constructive to you?

It takes time and lots of practice to become constructive when you are more accustomed to being critical.  Thomas Leonard’s book includes a chapter on becoming a constructive person.  He elaborates on each of the three principal words as follows (p. 259):

1. Unconditionally – This means always, regardless of circumstances, with no conditions or exceptions.
2. Constructive – This means that what you say and do will always build the other person up, never destroy or belittle that person.
3. Become an Unconditionally Constructive Person – This means not only to be unconditionally constructive (as a technique or practice) but to evolve into the type of person who is “naturally” this way, without stopping to think about it.

Are you becoming unconditionally constructive?  Check your progress on these points:

• Are you criticizing people – vs – Are you more respectful?
• Do you feel a need to point out unpleasant things – vs – Do you point out what is special and positive?
• Do you pay empty compliments – vs – Do you say truly helpful and affirming things?

Top 10 Ways to Become Unconditionally Constructive.  Each of the main points in this “Top 10” was written by Thomas Leonard.  I encourage you to get a copy of the book and read Thomas’ explanations together with the 10 points.  Working from his list, I expanded on the basic idea and have suggested some things to think about and apply to your own life and experiences.

1. Tell the Truth – The Whole Truth.  Well, that’s difficult.  We are taught to sugar coat, to limit, or to cover up the real truth so much of the time.  It’s not easy to be constructive and really truthful, but it can be done.
2. Deal with Weaknesses of Others by Pointing to the Optimum Possibility. If you sense that something needs correction, why state the obvious?  “Your hair needs combing” isn’t helping solve anyone’s problem.  What’s a better way to encourage someone to keep hair well-groomed?
3. Never Mention Progress, Time, Future, Past, or Rate of Development. A student, patient, client doesn’t want to know they are making progress – they want to know what they’ve accomplished.  Which statement resonates best with you?  “You’re really making good progress on that job” or “You did that really well.”
4. Tell the Truth in a Way That Empowers a Person.  A statement such as “You should be able to get this done” is a judgment you are making.  How can you be more empowering?  Try this on for size:  “You can do it!”
5. Notice Immediately and Completely All Your Reactions to the Person.  Pay attention to any negative reactions you have toward a person.  What is the source of your reaction, and how can you resolve it?
6. Be Thrilled About Where the Person Is On Their Path of Development.   Let’s face it – you don’t have all the answers for others.  Be happy with where they are at the moment – PERIOD.  If you find yourself pushing for a solution, its’ about YOU, not THEM.
7. Point Out the Character Qualities a Person Naturally Has.   This one is a bit more subtle, but it is important.  It took me awhile to ponder this one.  If you focus on someone’s accomplishments, this tends to be limiting the possibilities of what more could be accomplished.  Concentrating on the person’s qualities tends to reinforce – and empower – the person, and just may encourage them to accomplish even more.  It isn’t up to you to put limits on others.
8. Speak to the Person as if They Are Whole and Can Do Anything. Never tell a child he/she can’t do something – suppose the child believes you?  What comes to mind is Walt Disney’s “Dumbo” when the little elephant clutches a feather in his trunk and was convinced he could fly.  It wasn’t the feather at all – it was Dumbo’s belief in himself because of the encouragement he received from the birds.
9. As you Develop and Master This Skill, YOU Will Evolve.  Being able to see the positive qualities of others takes practice – especially if you are more accustomed to looking for negatives.  The old saying really is true:  Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.  Are you one who sees the doughnut, or the hole in the doughnut?
10. Recognize Your Parents in the Words and Approaches You Use.  Do you hear things coming out of your mouth that sound like your parents or grandparents?  Patterns that are ingrained in us are hard to change.   We need to grow beyond the previous generation’s limitations on us.

POINTS TO PONDER . . .

It’s been said that children laugh an average of 450 times per day, while adults laugh an average of only 15 times a day.  If that’s true … how did we end up 435 laughs short of a good time? (Michael Port)

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do.  (Dale Carnegie)

Pay no attention to what the critics say … Remember, a statue has never been set up in honor of a critic.  (Jean Sibelius)

How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct. (Benjamin Disraeli)

To praise is an investment in happiness.  (George M. Adams)

You Are Invited to visit my new weblog, look over the short articles posted there, and post a comment or two, or send me an email charlie@leadersavers.com and tell me what you think of it.  Take a look!  LeaderSavers Weblog can be found at:  www.leadersavers.com

NEXT ISSUE:  Bah! Humbug! and Ho! Ho! Ho!   Just for fun - a tongue-in-cheek look at some holiday traditions and how we got there as we bid goodbye to 2005.

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