Welcome to Viewpoints.  We hope you enjoy this issue.

Fire Your Committee of THEY!  Now, there’s a challenge for you:  Fire Your Committee of THEY.  What in the world is a “Committee of THEY?”  Everybody has one, whether or not you realize it (or will admit to it).  THEY are that invisible committee of people in your mind who try to tell you what to do or what to think.  Do any of these sound familiar to you?

• THEY are the neighbors your mother wanted you to please.
• THEY are the ones who tell you it can’t be done.
• THEY are the experts, with more knowledge, more experience than you.
• THEY are the cool people, the smart people, the popular people.
• THEY are your own conflicting intentions that stop you in your tracks.

What are THEY telling you – and what is it costing you to hire THEM?

• The neighbors – you can’t do that or wear that.  What will THEY think?
• The naysayers – THEY said it couldn’t be done, so I never tried.
• The experts – THEY must know better.  Who am I to question THEM?
• The cool people – THEY are laughing.  Are THEY laughing at me?
• The conflicting intentions – THEY talked me out of what I really want to do.

Now, what’s the REAL truth here?

• What will THEY think?  (The truth is, THEY probably won’t notice at all.)
• THEY said it couldn’t be done. (Oh, really?  Which one of THEM has tried it?)
• THEY must know better.  (You’re giving a lot of credit where it isn’t due!)
• THEY are laughing.  (Good for THEM.  It’s not about you).
• THEY talked me out of it.  (No, THEY didn’t.  You did.)

Why is it that we give more importance to what THEY think than to what we ourselves think?  We all do it.  The need to seek the approval of others is very strong, and we’ve been doing it for centuries.  I recently logged onto a major search engine and typed in “others opinions.”  I got 1,200,000 hits – everyone from Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius to computer guru Steve Jobs.  And here is what THEY said:

Marcus Aurelius:  I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others.

Steve Jobs:  Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.

Just imagine…

• If Edison had listened to THEM, we’d still be in the dark.  It took him thousands of failed attempts before he was able to perfect the incandescent light bulb.
• If Einstein had listened to THEM, he would have remained a slow talker and a failure at math. 
• If Beethoven had listened to THEM, he would have stopped composing years before he had created many of his masterpieces.
• In 1804, a Vienna newspaper critic wrote:  “Beethoven’s Second Symphony is a crass monster, a hideously writhing wounded dragon, that refuses to expire…”
• You know who Beethoven was.  Does anyone know who that critic was?  Case in point.

Why do we put such value on what others think?  Caring what others think and seeking their approval can be a sign of low self-esteem.  Advertisers know this and use it to THEIR advantage – and you buy what THEY are selling because you want to be slimmer, faster, more glamorous, and on and on…

Low self-esteem can show up in many ways.  An article published by the University of Texas defines several “faces” that low self-esteem may wear.  Do you recognize any of these faces among your friends, your colleagues, your mirror?

• The Imposter, one who acts happy and successful, but is really terrified of failure; needs continuous successes to keep up a good front.
• The Rebel, who acts like the opinions or good will of others don’t matter;  lives with constant anger about not feeling “good enough.”
• The Loser, who acts helpless and unable to cope, and waits for someone else to come to the rescue; fears taking responsibility for changing his or her life.

Abundance coach and consultant Kim George wrote about the Illusion of Comparisons:  “We’re taught to think comparatively, always measuring ourselves against another’s standards or views.  We project our beliefs onto others, and take on others’ limiting beliefs without objection.” 

Fascinating!  I wonder why we don’t compare ourselves to ourselves, rather than to others?  I like what Teddy Roosevelt had to say:  I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what I do!  That is character.    

We can’t all be as self-confident as Teddy Roosevelt, but we need not resign ourselves to a life of low self-esteem, either.  In the end, it doesn’t matter at all what others think.  My New Zealand friend Gwyn told me of a quip she learned at a personal development workshop:  What you think of me is none of my business.  That would make a wonderful T-shirt slogan, wouldn’t it? 

How can you Fire Your Committee of THEY?  Well, you can start by resolving to develop better self-esteem.  It isn’t easy, and it takes time – sometimes a lot of time.  But it can be done.

Did you ever hear the story of the two wolves?  I’ve heard (and read) several different versions, but basically it’s the same story:  A wise old man tells his grandson that he has two wolves inside him.  One is angry, bitter, filled with hatred.  The other is filled with kindness, love, forgiveness.  “Which one will win?” asks the little boy.  Grandfather answers, “Whichever one you feed.”

Which inner wolf are you feeding?  You can begin to feed the kind, loving, forgiving wolf by loving and forgiving yourself.  Challenge that inner voice that is telling you that you are not good enough, that you’ll never make the team or get a promotion.  That “Inner Critic” can be very harsh – but only if you allow it to be.  Eleanor Roosevelt said, Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.

Challenge your negative self-talk by nurturing and taking good care of yourself.  After all, you’re worth it!  Get enough sleep, eat healthy food, and get plenty of fresh air and exercise.  Remind yourself of all the things you do well, your strengths, your accomplishments.  There’s an old (1944) Johnny Mercer song with a catchy title that I think of whenever I need a lift:  “Ac-cen-tu-ate the positive, E-lim-i-nate the negative…”  Lots of truth in that old song.

This may be the most difficult part of firing your Committee of THEY, but it is important:  ASK!  Ask for support from friends.  Ask friends and loved ones what they like about you.  Ask someone to listen – just to you.  Ask for help or explanation if there is something you don’t understand.  Most people are flattered by being asked, and THEY won’t think less of you for asking THEM.

Build a good balance of self-confidence – it’s well worth your best efforts.  A healthy level of self-confidence often makes the difference between a successful person and one who isn’t.

A self-confident person:

• Does what he/she believes to be right, even if THEY criticize you for it. (remember Beethoven? It isn’t the critic who matters)
• Admits mistakes and vows to learn from them.  (remember Edison?  He discovered what DIDN’T work and learned from his mistakes)
• Is willing to take risks to achieve goals (well, you have to break a few eggs to make an omelet).

Jon Gordon wrote a fun and fascinating book titled The Energy Bus.  He is a great champion of using the power of positive energy to create a wonderful life.  Jon’s book includes Ten Rules for the Ride of Your Life.  Here are just three of them:

• You’re the driver of the YOUR bus  (in other words, it’s not about THEM)
• Don’t waste your energy on those who don’t get on your bus (in other words, don’t worry what THEY think)
• Post a sign that says NO ENERGY VAMPIRES ALLOWED on your bus (in other words, THEY aren’t welcome!)

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Fire Your Committee of THEY!  Are You Ready?  THEY aren’t you, and you don’t have to listen to THEM anymore.  Easier said than done, so THEY say.  But you can do it! 

Here’s your challenge:  Fire Your Committee of THEY in 90 days.  Imagine how great you’ll feel at the end of 90 days when you don’t have to worry about what THEY think.  Make a commitment to yourself to practice building your self-esteem.  Practice positive self-talk and don’t listen to that inner critic.  Ask for support from friends, relatives, colleagues. 

Fire Your Committee of THEY.  You don’t need THEM.  Hire a coach to help you.  I know a good one!

Resources:

“Better Self Esteem.”  University of Texas Counseling and Mental Health Center, Internet article.  www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc/booklets/selfesteem

Dyer, Wayne.  The Power of Intention.  Carlsbad, CA:  Hay House, Inc., 2004.

George, Kim.  Coaching Into Greatness.  Hoboken, NJ:  John Wiley & Sons, 2006.  

Gordon, Jon.  The Energy Bus.  Hoboken, NJ:  John Wiley & Sons, 2007.

“MindTools”  Internet article.  www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html

Ruiz, Don Miguel.  The Four Agreements.   San Rafael, CA:  Amber-Allen Publishing, 1997.

Slonimsky, Nicolas.  Lexicon of Musical Invective.  New York:  W. W. Norton, 2000. 
 

Some Perspectives:

We probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of us if we could know how seldom they do.  (Olin Miller)

Be yourself.  No one can ever tell you you’re doing it wrong. (J. L. Herlihy)

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can.  (Danny Kaye)

NEXT ISSUE:  The REAL Secret of “The Secret.”  You’ve heard about “The Secret” – but what IS it?  The Oprah Show featured “The Secret” DVD and several teachers of The Secret.  Lots of books and DVDs were sold after that appearance.  The REAL secret is that we’ve known about “The Secret” for many years by many different names.  It’s called “The Law of Attraction.”  Next issue, we’ll focus on the Law of Attraction and how it can work for you.

* * * * *

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